You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
