I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
