I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
