I'm jealous of your bromance
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
