Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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