You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
