Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
