On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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