When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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