I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You are a booty call, not a friend.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
