I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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