"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
