Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
