I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Go christen that room with your naked body.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
