I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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