Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
