Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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