Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
