he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
