Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
