I didn't shave. On purpose
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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