Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
