I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
