Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
