i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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