her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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