This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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