I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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