Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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