I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
