how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
