I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
