oh god the rape fog is back!
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
God I need to hump something, right now.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
