it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
