Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
