Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
