Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
