how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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