Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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