Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
