im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
