I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
