He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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