He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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