so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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