My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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