shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
