i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
