My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
