i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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