i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
