At least make sure they are 18
Why
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
