just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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