They should really pass out barf bags in church
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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