I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
